As people raised by alcoholics, we often fail to hear the actual words being spoken to us, and we react to our interpretation of what’s “behind” the things people say rather than what people are actually saying. When we’re emotional, it becomes extremely hard for us to hear people’s words – it’s habit for us to listen for subtext.
Unwind, and you’ll become lighter in spirit. I mean, imagine that, rather than taking off your clothes at the end of the day, you keep them on. And, in the morning each day you put on clothes without removing the old ones. You do this each day, until you’re wearing layers and layers and layers of musty, itchy clothing. You may laugh, but this is a lot like what’s happening to your spirit if you don’t stop, unwind, and reflect at day’s end. Just as you brush your teeth, you need to unwind.
We are, after all, adult children of alcoholics. The way an adult child of alcoholic approaches the process of a personal inventory is to rip himself or herself to shreds, as if it were an invitation to self-gutting, an opportunity to insult ourselves, really use all of our black-and-white thinking skills to see only the worst in ourselves.
Healing and growing as someone who grew up in an alcoholic household is about taking a simiilar approach, though. How? You’ve got to fake it till you make it, embody the life and mind of a healthy you. The trick is to think of yourself as if you’re already there, already the best you. Healing in action is envisioning yourself as a person who has experienced tremendous personal growth, thinking of yourself as someone who copes well with sudden change, knowing that you are someone who is comfortable speaking your mind, someone who is very comfortable in the face of disapproval, someone who can be himself or herself in any situation, because you’re entirely grounded in you.
Shame is a feeling tied to an energy center, or chakra, in our bodies located at the navel. The third chakra is also called the Solar Plexus, and it is the center of your personal power, or personal fire. In eastern medicine it’s believed that feelings of shame are associated with a depleted third chakra. Feelings of wanting to hide, disappear, and of general embarrassment of self, insecurity, and needing reassurance are all hallmarks of a tired third chakra. However, with a balanced third chakra, we feel respect for others, for ourselves, we sense the strength of our personal power, and we’re spontaneous and uninhibited.
It’s believed that by strengthening the positive energy of the fifth chakra, we can bridge the gap between our heart and our voice and our mind and our voice. This is essential healing for children of alcoholics as well as anyone who has neglected to speak their mind without self-judgement.
The best part about naming these unproductive beliefs is that you can see what you’re dealing with, which makes it that much easier to reflect on what beliefs your heart actually knows are better, more productive, and true.
