I’ve been borrowing books from my local library lately. (I make good use of their online database, reserving books from across their member branches, which the librarians kindly set aside for quick pick-up - an email comes when the book is ready. The only thing that could make it even easier would be a drive-thru window! But then I wouldn’t [...]
The pain of others, that is. Who would want to breathe in, inhale, suck up the pain, illness, and damage that’s in others? Eww. That was the train of thought that started, reactively, in my mind as I read a really interesting (and life-enhancing) article, “Love & Emptiness,” in the magazine Shambhala Sun. (The January [...]
Here’s a question that a reader just asked me, which I’m answering in a post for everyone: “What recommendations do you have as far as a daily routine, therapy, or books to make the fear of losing control less prominent?” Her question was related to this post about the fear of losing control. While this [...]
In this post I’m focusing on Practice #2, the practice of doing therapeutic work. This practice is meant to be integrated with the other steps—ahem, like, started right along with Practice #1 (not after anything is ‘perfected’ ). The Four Practices to Raise Yourself Up #1 The Practice of Learning Who You Are & What [...]
You can't worry and smile at the same time. Try it. First, smile. Now, think of one of the typical worrysome or anxiety-provoking thoughts that messes with your self-esteem and sense of everything being all right. For me, today, it's, "What was I thinking when I signed my toddler up for swimming lessons–I should have known his nap time [...]
Do you often find yourself thinking, “Why does this seem to always happen….?” Do you realize that OF COURSE it always happens? It always happens because your frame of mind hasn’t changed although the situation may have changed — your frame of mind will continue to interpret things as it does until you reconsider how you view your world.
Are you prone to feeling dumb and insecure about your intelligence? It’s common for people who grew up in alcoholic homes to feel this – but it’s time to say goodbye to embarrassment and shame.
As people raised by alcoholics, we often fail to hear the actual words being spoken to us, and we react to our interpretation of what’s “behind” the things people say rather than what people are actually saying. When we’re emotional, it becomes extremely hard for us to hear people’s words – it’s habit for us to listen for subtext.
Unwind, and you’ll become lighter in spirit. I mean, imagine that, rather than taking off your clothes at the end of the day, you keep them on. And, in the morning each day you put on clothes without removing the old ones. You do this each day, until you’re wearing layers and layers and layers of musty, itchy clothing. You may laugh, but this is a lot like what’s happening to your spirit if you don’t stop, unwind, and reflect at day’s end. Just as you brush your teeth, you need to unwind.
We are, after all, adult children of alcoholics. The way an adult child of alcoholic approaches the process of a personal inventory is to rip himself or herself to shreds, as if it were an invitation to self-gutting, an opportunity to insult ourselves, really use all of our black-and-white thinking skills to see only the worst in ourselves.
