Archive for Intimacy – Page 3

Own Your Crap: Trade Blame for Honesty about What You’re Feeling

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You ever notice how when you go at your partner with strong emotions, it pushes him or her away?   Isn’t that weird?   Ever wonder how that works, exactly?  How could your important, strong, emotions become a big cow plow, ramming the person you care about most out of your path?  I mean, you just want them close, right? [...]

If You Love Someone with Alcoholic Parents

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  This post is for people who love an adult child. I receive a lot of emails from people who are in a relationship with an adult child of alcoholics. They are trying to understand the person they love, or are trying to love, but they don’t know how to decipher the code of adult [...]

Your Old Relationships, Are They All Filed under “Bad”?

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Can’t we evaluate our past and current relationships in more particular and less judgmental terms? We must try. I mean, we chose our relationships, so we ought to take responsibility for those choices and view them with a sympathetic mind. Take responsibility; labeling the relationship or other person ‘bad’ isn’t just over-simplification, it’s also a form of denying personal responsibility.

If You Wanna Stop Lying, You Gotta Accept Yourself

The more I write about issues of adult children of alcoholics, the more I realize this fact: almost all of our issues are tied to not enough self-acceptance. It accounts for why we lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth. It’s why we are full of generalized shame, that fear of being found out, and why we feel so easily criticized and then become angry, defensive… We’re chameleons, becoming whatever they want, as if by instinct, all because we don’t accept ourselves as we are.

Tips for When You’re Tempted to Make a Mountain of a Molehill

Anybody who grew up in an alcoholic family is going to experience feelings of fear in a relationship at some point, and not just once. When we’re talking to ourselves in our heads (“She doesn’t really love me,” or “He’s going to cheat on me.”), we don’t know which voice is helping us and which is hurting us. Is it the old voice or the new, real me?
How are we supposed to know how to decipher the difference between what we think is true, and what is actually true, particularly in relationships? Do you know when it’s an old fear rearing its head and when is it a real issue relevant to the present day that you need to address constructively? How does someone whose natural doubts are valid apply present-day hope and faith to confusing, emotional situations?