This comment speaks for many of us, and should be heard. The comment was made in response to my post, “Hacking the Phrase ‘They Did the Best they Could – further reading.”
Even if we don’t understand the work our loved one must do, we can and must respect their journey. They, in turn, must not make the mistake of using the journey as a shield, and include their loved one or at least invite them along. These are but two forms of respect and also love.
My wife is an ACOA. She told me about her realization last May. I have always known her father was an alcoholic and Valium addict. We have been married 23 years. She is the love of my life. She has told me how unhappy and unloved she feels and is now focusing on herself and finding her true feelings. She has been in therapy since June and I have been seeing a therapist since January. I feel so alone. All the blogs I read about people who love ACOAs are horrible. Are there any happy stories? I feel like I am being tested and failing. I am prepared to wait 23 years if that’s the punishment I am due, but I am so lonely. She says she is lonely too, but that she is focusing on herself and not us or me. Please tell me ACOAs can move past this and heal the hurt. I acknowledge my part in letter her down and not fulfilling my vows to Love Honor and Cherish her all the days of my life, but I am a good man and don’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve it either, obviously. I deserve the love and affection of a loving spouse but don’t know if it will ever come again.