Ever felt shame and embarassment when you ask for something? Do you, deep down, wonder if you truly have a right to get your needs met? What’s going on in those brains of ours? In this video, Jef Gazley discusses what’s normal when it comes to making requests of others in order to get our needs met (asking that annoying neighbor to stop parking his truck in front of my house) and the root of that difficulty.
Watch: GWNI Interview! ‘Guess How To Ask for Things’ with Jef Gazley, LMFT (Part 1 of 2) from amy eden on Vimeo.
This topic intersects with personal limits — when you ask for something you need (whether you’re asking for something you want, or don’t want, you’re ultimately asking for a need to be met) you are also setting a limit; you’re saying, “When the television is that loud, it’s too loud for me.” And when that limit is crossed, you are going to speak up.
We know our limits, whether we feel empowered to act on them or not. The information is in us. It really is! We feel our personal limits in our bodies — our gut, forearms and chest. When we speak up–and speak up consistently–we’ll be taken seriously. Consistency is key; if you only ask for the television to be turned down every other time, it’ll seem like it’s just your bad mood on certain days (not the TV volume). The wheel must squeak every time.
(I have to note that the people we allow into our lives before we’re healed and recovered enough are typically those that aren’t spending time thinking about our needs and will tend to be the types that require a clear, concise and consistent message to Get It. That said, there’s no easy way around asking for a need to be met – whether it’s met or not isn’t your problem and it’s not something you control. But you are in control of how you act/react when the need is met, or not.)
Note: This was my first attempt at recording a split-screen Skype video. My screen is frozen pretty much throughout the interview, but…Jef is animated and the audio worked!
Jef Gazley, LMFT, has practiced psychotherapy for thirty years, specializing in ADD, Love Addiction, Hypnotherapy, Relationship Management, Dysfunctional Families, Co-Dependency, Professional Coaching, and Trauma Issues. He is a trained counselor in EMDR, NET, TFT, and Applied Kinesiology. Jef received his B.A. in Psychology, History, and Teaching from the University of Washington, and his Masters in Counseling from the University of Oregon. Jef is State Certified in General Counseling, Marriage/Family, and Chemical Dependency. He is dedicated to guiding individuals to achieving a life long commitment to mental health and relationship mastery. His private practice is in Scottsdale, Arizona.
He operates the following:
DID YOU WATCH PART 2? ‘Guess How Brain Therapies Work’ with Jef Gazley, LMFT in which we talk about therapy alternatives for deep-seated trauma.
